Webinar on Porn and its impact on the family

By Christine Ranisavljev

On Monday, October 17, 2022 WFWP Canada hosted a HIGH NOON webinar on Porn and its impact on the family from 7:30 - 9 PM.  There were 35 participants.  The Webinar was moderated by Eveline Stewart [WFWP Hamilton] and featured guest speaker Andrew Love, the founding member of HIGH NOON [an NGO that offers porn recovery support].   This webinar focussed on exposing the problem while a second webinar scheduled for November 14, 2022 will focus on addiction support and goals toward achieving solutions

Andrew Love

Andrew Love, the father of 3 boys of school age, desired to identify a clear evil for them because as he sees it.

“  Humanity has never been more sexed.  It is the worst of humanity that is guiding our next generation.  Sexual complications bring us shame.  This puts our kids in a position to learn about sex by people who don’t care about them.  I have three chances to help my sons become upstanding men.  I can do a lot if I just stand up for them.”

Andrew says that pornography addiction is the result of a lack of connection.    The issues that are driving this are of the heart. It is easier to escape your issues than to talk about them.  He says that all solutions lie in community.  

The statistics show that 80% of those who have accessed porn have never talked to their parents about it.  They are shamed by religion and accepted by society.  Both shame and acceptance exacerbate the problem.  

Andrew says there is a third option that offers a solution and that is the liberation of the HIGH NOON ASCEND program.  HIGH NOON represents a time of day when no shadow is cast. It is a time when we don’t have to live amongst the shadows.   Andrew developed the ASCEND program, a system of recovery from porn addiction.    

This could not have come at a more significant time considering that the website Porn Hub has reported 35.5 billion views.  Porn has become society’s biggest religion.

The problem with porn as Andrew puts it is its impact on intimacy.  It causes people to focus on their body instead of their heart.  It becomes the third person in the relationship.  It habituates fantasy instead of reality and makes sex more about escaping rather than connecting.  It teaches people to focus on their needs and keeps them immature.  Porn is endlessly available rather than compassion.  

Porn is the result of a feeling of inadequacy and powerlessness, loneliness and a need for validation.  People who are addicted to it desire connection with others and may be dealing with feelings of being overwhelmed or may be avoiding facing their emotional issues.  

Porn use creates an addiction cycle that begins with an emotional trigger which leads to a craving for the ritual of viewing porn and ends with guilt, another emotional trigger, starting the whole cycle all over again.   Identifying the emotional trigger is of the utmost importance when it comes to the healing process.  Once the emotional trigger is identified and exposed the addict can work towards dealing with it in an alternate manner which involves connection.   

Connection for the addict can take the form of conversations with a trusted friend or support group.  Having conversations where the person that is struggling feels supported and loved unconditionally is a helpful strategy to confront the issue.  Developing relationships that promote honesty, accountability and grace lead to positive outcomes.  

For families looking for guidance on how to deal with exposure to porn by curiosity or accident, Andrew suggests being an open channel with your children for more than one conversation about sex.  Being open will allow your children to come to you rather than google.  Teaching your children the difference between appropriate and inappropriate pictures or graphics from a young age will help them identify pornography.  Tell them if they see anything inappropriate they should come to you.  Have more than one talk about sex.  After all, your children are in this world because you had sex.  You can learn together.  Your kids might know more than you do.  

For people that do not accept that they have a problem.  Andrew says the more you push, the more they run away.  No one wants to be changed until their time is ready.  Maintain a connection with them and open communication.  This gives them an opportunity to reach out when they are ready.  

“Addiction is born in secrecy and dies in community.”

As Andrew puts it, a connected world is a peaceful world.  Disconnection is Hell on Earth.  

Please join Andrew again on November 14 when WFWP Canada will host the second Webinar on this topic focussing on successful strategies on dealing with the problem of porn addiction.