Second Webinar in Series on Porn Addiction
By Christine Ranisavljev
The Women’s Federation for World Peace (WFWP) Canada hosted its second webinar in a series on Porn Addiction on Monday, November 14, 2022 from 7:30 - 9 PM EST. There were 40 participants in attendance. The webinar was the second in a series created by Andrew Love, one of two founding members of High Noon; an organisation dedicated to providing support and guidance with human sexuality.
Andrew’s three-part presentation called Porn…How to Deal with it, offered a holiistic approach to the problem of pornography.
Importance of a Vision
When considering attacking the compulsion of pornography Andrew asks his struggling peers “What do you want? How would you be occupying your time if it weren’t for this?” He has found that very few people have an answer to this question.
Andrew believes that if you have a vision that you can express with clarity you can start to envision a life where you needn't feel shame. Since shame is part of the cycle of porn addiction that he discussed in the last webinar, tackling it is the way to break the cycle.
“We are creating a new culture of freedom in regards to sexuality. Imagine a world that lifts up sexuality as the most precious and healthy act.”
2. Becoming
In creating a culture of freedom in regards to sexuality Andrew says we all have a bunch of work to do.
“You can’t give what you don’t already have. If we are seeking a world of healthy sexuality getting comfortable with sex is the fastest way to help your family to feel comfortable about sex.”
Of course, Andrew means getting comfortable in age appropriate ways. For example, he suggests letting younger children feel at ease with reporting to their parents if they come across any naked images at any time. When they do, showing ease with the topic will put them at ease and release them of any shame. It is the starting point of an ongoing conversation giving members of a family the opportunity to get things off of their chest.
To help spouses feel at ease with the topic of sexuality, Andrew suggests practising having conversations about their issues without any shame. When you lead by opening up, people are desperate to follow. The people he speaks to are so eager to tell him their story. They love to experience the freedom that they see in him.
Andrew’s experience has taught him that many people feel they are imperfect and so are uncomfortable giving advice to others. He suggests that we can use our difficult past as leverage to connect with someone struggling, or as a cautionary tale. Since porn addiction leads to isolation, Andrew suggests the opposite strategy to this is connection.
“So many people are itching to connect. I try to make myself as available as possible.”
3. Living in the High Noon
Living in the High Noon means we take ownership of the good stuff and the bad stuff. It is a place of no shame, no secrets and no judgement. If your kids have something difficult they are trying to tell you, say “thank you”. They need a non-judgemental space. Living the high noon life creates openness between parents and children who are living in harmony with their ideals and getting support when they falter.
Andrew cautions parents against having a “Don’t…” list. It creates a very restrictive approach to relationships. It infuses terror. Obedient kids are just trying not to screw up. He encourages parents to find the place where their children can invest their sexual energy. They need to channel it into creativity so that it is not wasted energy. Planting healthier seeds in a child’s mind by investing in their heart, mind and spirit will make purity.
“Purity is a garden. It requires constant maintenance.”
Andrew presented the 5 virtues of a high noon life.
Honesty
Honesty is the quickest path to restore your word. You have to be honest with yourself, the people in your life and God. Meditation can help you to open yourself up to this virtue.
Accountability
Having a clear vision of what you want to achieve, how you will go about achieving it and a deadline expressed to someone you trust will make you more accountable and trustworthy.
Grace
Learning to receive and give forgiveness will make you hopeful for the future. Grace allows love to flow again.
Integrity
Integrity requires practice. When thoughts, words and actions are the same, that is powerful.
Courage
Courage is required to complete acts that are both small and big. Do an inventory about family and friends to connect with and be courageous by reaching out to them.
Andrew gives anyone struggling with porn addiction the hope that they can restore their value. Anybody can bounce back from it.
The webinar concluded with a question period and an invitation to the third webinar in the series on December 5th called Women’s Sexuality: Sacredness & Joy.
